Hark! The elusive Snowbirds return...

So, when we relocated to the Valley of the Sun we began to hear several common comments. First was a myth and it went something like this "ah, it's a DRY heat...". Right........ The next thing we kept hearing about was the elusive "Snowbirds". Hmm, new species of bird you might assume. Nope, new species of human beings. Sometime around mid-October you first begin to notice the increase in traffic. It doesn't just happen overnight but kind of sneaks up on you. A short trip out that used to take 10-15 minutes is now taking an upwards of 30 minutes. So, you start to look around and notice them.......the evil out of state plates. And not just the neighboring bright yellow plates of New Mexico but the evil "land of 1000 lakes" Minnesota plates. And the Mt. Rushmore plates of South Dakota and it begins to sink into your psyche......they're BAAACCCCK!!!!

Yes, every able bodied senior citizen (not already residing in the Valley) begins to migrate in. Apparently when you hit retirement age, the idea of winter is so unbearable that it drives one to jump into their Lincoln Towncars and make the long journey to the Valley. And as they crest over the Mogeon Rim (look at me, I've learned local geographic terms!) the speed of those Towncars immediately drops to 15 M.P.H.s. Yep, the Towncars, Cadillacs and other old people cars become mechanically unable to travel more than 15. If they were to hit 20 M.P.H. apparently they would lose their AARP cards or something. But again I digress...

My first encounter with the elusive Snowbirds this season was a fairly amusing little tale...I was late getting somewhere. And that's not even the amusing part because if you were talk to my husband you would know that I'm never late for anything. Anyway, I was in a hurry and needing to make a right turn in the near future. I noticed something was up when I started braking and drumming my fingers on the steering wheel. What the heck? One minute I was going a decent speed and now I'm going 7 miles an hour. So I decide to wait it out instead of being a total jerk and whipping out into traffic just to cut the car in front of me off. Then I begin to notice what type of car it is. Yes, it's a Lincoln of some sort and it looks like it's on auto-pilot. Yep, no driver visible and it hits me. Snowbird. So, I decide that the driver is too close to death to be too mad at me so I make the supreme jerky move and whip out into traffic, speed up and whip back in to the right lane. And as I turned on my blinker to make my right hand turn, the best part of the story occurred. (And for this part of the story you need to know that Arizona doesn't require front license plates so many cars have dorky fake vanity plates in the front). So, I turn on my blinker and look into my rearview mirror at Grandpa in the Lincoln and yes, the front plate on his car reads "2 Hot". Yes, Grandpa, you are in fact, 2 Hot....en fuego, in fact. Welcome back Snowbirds, welcome back.